The Slant Drilling Company

Slant Drilling: The Best Of!

2005-12-14T22:57:00.000-05:00

Since I've recently started updating again, I went back and read most of our archives and decided to highlight some of my favorite posts. So here they are in no particular order:

733t U.S. General dismisses n00b Iraqi force, w00t!

To be fair...

I am a loser, twice over

Excommunication for all!

Advice for an American General

Pirating software is a lot like having sex.

America is a melting pot of morons

Crappy pizza is not a terrorist act--although it should be

November 2nd: When It All Goes Bad

TCWV (The Country's Worst Voting)

2005-12-13T10:33:00.000-05:00

The New York State Board of Elections has long been under fire from good government groups for meeting in secret and making decisions with little or no public input. This past spring they were charged with developing standards for the selection of new voting machines as required by the Help America Vote Act (HAVA). They've ignored the statutorily required Citizen’s Advisory Committee and most recently they’ve decided to approve a machine that hasn’t even been completed!

Now, they’ve called another meeting of the Board of Elections Board of Canvassers/Directors for this coming Thursday, December 15th to decide, among other things, the selection of an independent testing authority for the new machines and the adoption of standards for a new statewide voter registration database. Where will they hold this meeting?

At their headquarters in Albany? No.

In a hearing room in the NYS Legislative Office Building? Not quite.

In some large facility in New York City, or Syracuse, or Rochester, or even (gasp!) Buffalo? Nope.

They’ve scheduled this meeting, which in light of the new guidelines they have rammed down NY’s electorate’s collective throats could be the last chance we have at an effective voting system, to be held at a NYS Thruway REST STOP!?!?! The Northbound Sloatsburg Travel Plaza, to be accurate. It’s facilities include a Dunkin Donuts, TCBY, Burger King, Sbarro’s and a gift store.

Richard Pryorly Alive

2005-12-11T00:06:00.000-05:00

this is actually from the official richardpryor.com website:

A Triumphant Return

2005-12-05T23:31:00.000-05:00

After a long absence in search of a new icon for my Warcraft 3: Reign of Chaos account it's time to resume updating this piece of shit.

From the paper of record describing the recent victory of Johnathan “Fatal1ty” Wendel at this year's Cyberathlete Professional League's World Tour Grand Finals:

“There’s a reason why they call him Fatal1ty,” one spectator explained....

Thanks for the explanation, but could that reason be that he chose it to seem more 31337?

Oh, the horrors!

2005-01-11T01:50:00.000-05:00

Dear Morons,

Oh, my. Those of you without a sense of humor or a shred of intelligence might have been offended by Randy Moss' fake mooning this past Sunday. To my fellow countrymen who were deeply disturbed by this transgression, I have this advice to offer: consider suicide, please.

Seriously, I've fucking had enough whining about "Oh, what will we tell the children about this terrible black man pretending to brandish his ass as a weapon?" Oh, I don't know, what do you tell the children about all those people dying in Iraq? Or what about the hundreds of thousands of dead in South East Asia? What do you tell the children about that, asshole? Honestly, if you're more disturbed by a fake mooning, the world is far, far better off without you.

Love,

Idiot Parade

Largest Counter-Strike Match in History Begins Today

2004-11-08T14:00:00.000-05:00

Thousands of U.S. Troops Storm Fallujah

NEAR FALLUJAH, Iraq (AP) - Thousands of U.S. troops, backed by armor and a stunning air barrage, attacked the toughest strongholds of Sunni insurgents in Fallujah on Monday, launching a long-awaited offensive aimed at putting an end to guerrilla control of the Sunni Muslim city.

Like all CS servers, the teams are way stacked.

An Open Letter to Red America

2004-11-07T15:20:00.000-05:00

Dear Red America,

I've been reading recently that a lot of you are dismayed that us blue-staters are so "intolerant" of your views and so on. You seem to be frequently surprised that people who like to describe themselves as open-minded and tolerant would be so quick to dismiss your ideas as redneck, bigoted drivel. So allow me to elaborate a little on this point.

Tolerance is accepting who people are. For example, we don't hate people because they're black, gay, cyclops, etc. By contrast, tolerance does not mean pretending that every idea is equally as valid as any other. Being tolerant does not mean that one has to accept every senseless, poorly conceived notion as just as a good as a well-reasoned, rationale position. For instance, let's take the example of gay marriage. When the only plausible argument that you've got against gay marriage is "I hate gays because it says so in the bible!" you're not going to get very far with us people that value reason and logical thought. In fact, we might be tempted to call you a bunch of braindead, inbred jackasses. But that's not being intolerant, get it? The analog would be pretending that a four-year old's essay is as well argued as a doctoral dissertation.

To summarize, if you want us to stop thinking you're a bunch of bible thumping half-wits, stop taking positions that indicate you're a bunch of bible thumping half-wits.

Love,

Idiot Parade

The Anger Returns

2004-11-06T13:51:00.000-05:00

After despairing for a few days, I woke up this morning, quite shockingly, ready to continue this fight. I'm not ready to give up and you shouldn't be either. Why? Well, there are lots of reasons, not the least of which is that we'll really piss off those inbred, redneck fuckwits that voted for Bush.

At any rate, didn't ya'll see The Two Towers? Those orcs were fucking up all kinds of shit at Helms Deep, but the Humans still won. This isn't over yet. Everyone, including me, needs to stop being such giant pussies because we've got a lot of work to do.

Obama in '08.

why oh why did we ever end reconstruction?

2004-11-03T13:25:00.000-05:00

Seriously, they lost the fucking war. Why do they get to choose the president.

For almost 2 years I have been predicting a Bush victory. No one should be surprised by this outcome. For next four years talking heads will debate all the aspects of this race. Maybe Kerry should have voted against the war. Maybe he should have gone with a different running mate. Maybe we should have gone with Dean. It's all irrelevant.

Why is Bush still our President? Here's why:

I blame Iowa.

poll numbers

2004-11-02T15:43:00.000-05:00

ok, everyone and their brother has seen these numbers:
Kerry/Bush
AZ 45/55
CO 48/51
LA 42/57
PA 60/40
OH 52/48
FL 51/48
MI 51/47
NM 50/48
MN 58/40
WI 52/43
IA 49/49
NH 57/41

but a CI (confidential informant) just gave me these:

PA Kerry 59 Bush 40

Ohio: K 52 B 48

Fla: K52 B48

NC: B 52 K 47

WV: B 54 K 40

Maine: K 55 B 44

Mo: B55 K 45

NH: K 58 B 41

Ark: B55 K 44

Az: B55 K 45

Col: B 51 K 48

LA: B 57 K 42

MI: K51 B 48

NM K50 B 48

MN: K 58 B 41

these are from a different outfit, not the national pool. they are early and could be rumours. so as with all polls, just use them as a guideline. but seems to reinforce the earlier numbers.

cautious optism is the phraise of the day!

"Just because I've beaten a few girlfriends, that doesn't make me a 'wife-beater'"

2004-10-31T15:54:00.000-05:00

NYTimes:

Last week an 18-year-old Marine recruit in West Palm Beach, Fla., was arrested for threatening to stab his girlfriend, partly, the authorities said, because she planned to vote for Senator John Kerry.

"You'll never live to see the election," he reportedly told her before sheriff's deputies subdued him with a Taser gun.

Sesiously, the republicans sure know how to bring their game faces.

November 2nd: When It All Goes Bad

2004-10-26T15:45:00.000-04:00

this is it. this picture is a sign of two things: 1)that judgement day is rapidly approaching and 2) that the camera on my motorola v710 really sucks the big one.

the cards have been dealt. the bets have been made. we're in the showdown. everything comes to a head right now. this is the ultimate standardized test of our nation.

elections are just like standardized tests. they come up every 4 years or so. some people get really far too anxious over them while others don't care enough to show up. there are tons of hoops you have to jump through just to be counted: use a number 2 pencil; spell your name correctly; you must register weeks in advance; don't go outside the bubble. if you're not sure what the correct answer is (there is always one) then just eliminate a few choices and make your best guess. finally, while both are very important and have various repurcussions that can last for years if not decades neither are reliable at measuring what they purport to measure (scholastic aptitude or the will of the population). well, ok, a vote for bush, unlike an 950 on the SAT's really does mean you are an idiot. of course the presidential election wasn't designed to measure intelligence, but it seems to be a pretty good method this year.

this election is a test. it's a test of how our society will be judged by time. centuries from now, historians will look back at next tuesday's vote and view it as a turning point. the question is will it be viewed as the moment that we smartened up, chose reason over revenge, good over evil, coke over pepsi. or will it be the opposite. will it be the moment when the United States of America 'jumped the shark'? will it be the moment that the USA, like homer simpson, got so stupid that it really isn't funny anymore?

my guess is that it this is the end. the stars are aligning for the apocalypse. bush is poised to retake the presidency. the red sox are poised to take the series.

if this is the end, at least we have really fucking good seats.

Rules are made to be broken.

2004-10-08T16:42:00.000-04:00

There's fingering pointing from every angle about cheating in the first presidential debate. People on the left claim that Bush had a coach talking in his ear. And the right is claiming that Kerry used a cheat sheet.

While it would not surprise me in any way that Bush cheated, I don't think the 'bulge' was some clandestine communications device. The President of the United States has access to the most advance technology in the entire world, but he chose to cheat using something that is about as advanced as a my-first-sony? I doubt it. More likely, I think it was a bullet proof vest or some kind of optical illusion.

On the flip side, Drudge speculates that Kerry brought out a cheat sheet. Kerry's campaign says it was a pen. Now a pen would still break the rules; they weren't allowed to bring anything out. But, I don't remember Clinton getting all in a hissy about Dole going everywhere with a pen in his hand.

wtf?

2004-10-02T01:10:00.000-04:00

bush:

I've never seen a meeting that would depose a tyrant, or bring a terrorist to justice.

he's still in office and osama is still at large.

Where's the plutonium?

2004-10-01T16:19:00.000-04:00

Last night Bush said (about North Korea's nuclear program):

And by the way, the breach on the agreement was not through plutonium. The breach on the agreement is highly enriched uranium. That's what we caught him doing. That's where he was breaking the agreement.

It would appear that he's trying to correct someone's misstatement, presumably Kerry's. But, no one mentioned plutonium throughout the entire debate except for that quote. You can search the text here.

Perhaps he watched Nova this week and learned about the periodic table for the first time. I'd like to know what the fuck he was talking about. Seriously, if anyone knows please share.

Let's make one thing clear.

2004-09-29T14:21:00.000-04:00

I don't hate the United States, just an overwhelming majority of the people who live here.

That's all I wanted to say.

deceit or incompetence? you decide

2004-09-15T21:11:00.000-04:00

Don't ask me why I went to Georgewbush.com but I did. The front page was giant ad for a quiz titled "2004 or 1996? Which economy was better?" I had to see what garbage statistics these assholes were going to throw around to support that inuendo.

It turns out that they don't even try to support that crap. It's not even a fucking test. The link brings you to this. A short, stupid ad detailing all of the "essential" weapons systems our troops are doing without because of Kerry. Maybe it's just a broken link, but the address of the page and the header of the page both claim that it's about the economy.

EDIT: ok, it seems that they have fixed it. still, their quiz is laughable at best.

"Why the pulled punches?"

2004-09-15T11:16:00.000-04:00

The Washington Post editorial page asks this in regards to the Bush administration's weak comments on Putin's terror-enabled power grab.

I'll tell you why, because the Bushies are disappointed that they didn't get to do it first.

New Arms Race?

2004-09-12T20:20:00.000-04:00

So, first the NYTimes runs an article speculating that North Korea could preparing for an atomic test.

Then, a two-mile wide mushroom cloud is seen by satellite inside North Korea. However, the blast supposedly lacked the tell-tale atomic seismic signature.

So, what the fuck happened? Well, my guess is that it's North Korea's version of the "Mother of All Bombs." Remeber, we tested one about a year and a half ago. It's the largest non-nuclear explosive, ever. Our test, as a warning to Saddam, left a cloud 3km wide. CNN's got the video clip.

You'll also notice that when we tested our bomb, it too left no seismic evidence.

If true, this would actually disturb me more than had it been a nuke. I'd imagine there'd be less hesitation to use one of these than a tactical nuke, seeing as how it allegedly wouldn't leave radioactive fallout.

So. A nation with whom we are still technically at war tests a weapon of mass destruction that is on par with our latest weaponary admist a highly charged diplomatic negotiations and Bush claim's he's the candidate that will best ensure the safety of the United States?

I swear to fucking god, if Bush is inaguarted again we do not deserve to exist as a nation.

Bush: it's not a depression!

2004-09-02T22:37:00.000-04:00

I noticed that both Bush and Cheney touted an all-time-high home ownership rate. Bush:

Thanks to our policies, homeownership in America is at an all-time high.

Cheney(notice the different spelling):

Mortgage rates are low, and home ownership in this country is at an all-time high.

This seemed fishy. I mean with an ever increasing population the number of people owning houses is bound to increase over time. So, maybe they meant as a percentage. Perhaps the percentage has remained constant or fluxuated greatly.

Nope.

With the exception of the great depression the home owndership rate has been constantly increasing for over eighty years. With achievements like this I don't even see why we need to have election? Bush is clearly far superior; despite all conventional wisdom we haven't entered a depression, yet.

Basic message of the RNC: be afraid. I am.

Zel Miller: democracy stinks!

2004-09-02T12:01:00.000-04:00

Being the moron that I am, I watched the RNC last night. Luckily, I was at a friends house. If I had been at mine I would have thrown a beer bottle through my televsion. In amongst his tirade of lies and half truths (there's a good article in the Washington Post here) he seemingly critizes Kerry for criticizing Bush. In this quote he yearns for a time when facism spanned the globe, black people rode the back of the bus, and the Democracts were the party of the Confederacy:

In 1940 Wendell Wilkie was the Republican nominee.

And there is no better example of someone repealing their "private plans" than this good man.

He gave Roosevelt the critical support he needed for a peacetime draft, an unpopular idea at the time.

And he made it clear that he would rather lose the election than make national security a partisan campaign issue.

I'm not sure if he's advocating more for a draft or for Kerry to lay down and take his beating quietly. I guess it doesn't matter, since I suspect that both of his wishes will come true.

When all else fails, blame it on the jews

2004-08-27T20:19:00.000-04:00

I overheard a conversation the other day--well not really overheard. I was walking down the street and this guys lets loose with a scream,"I'm sick of people comparing George Bush to Adolf Hitler." He continued to complain loudy about such a comparison.

As I continued on my way I thought about that analogy. I mean sure, I've heard people call Bush a facist and make comparisons to Nazi tactics. But I've never heard anyone make a direct comparison between Hitler and Bush. And there's a reason for that: they are completely different. Let's list a few reasons:

The economic policies of this Bush administration have clearly failed to produce an economic upswing like that of pre-World War 2 Nazi Germany.

The bumbling and broken red-neck rambling of George Bush is no match for the compelling oratory of Hitler.

And finally, Hitler's been dead like 60 years now and Bush is alive. Alive and dead--can two people be any different?

Case closed..

...or so I had thought. Then I read this. Seems like the FBI thinks there is an Israeli mole working in the highest levels of the Pentagon who has been passing secrets regarding Iran to Israel. CBS News broke the story, here's a snipet:

The case raises another concern among investigators: Did Israel also use the analyst to try to influence U.S. policy on the war in Iraq?

With ties to top Pentagon officials Paul Wolfowitz and Douglas Feith, the analyst was assigned to a unit within the Defense Department tasked with helping develop the Pentagon's Iraq policy.

And so now that 67% of Americans believe the U.S. went to war with Iraq based on incorrect assumpstions it's time to distance yourself from the whole shitstorm with the help of an old one from Adolf's playbook: blame it on the Jews

Oh well, they may share a tactic in common but I'm willing to bet that Bush lacks the sheer strength of will.

I almost miss Tom Friedman

2004-08-19T01:00:00.000-04:00

Dahlia Lithwick -- the NYT's replacement for Friedman while he's reportedly away writing a book about how we need to erect decent, secular, democracies all across the Arab world whether those people want them or not -- lamented today that some of Bush's opponents on the left are portraying him as a whining, spoiled child incapable of making the correct call regarding how to tie his shoes, let alone matters of war. To Dahlia, this is a bad thing because:

"One of the most enduring memories from the Bush-Gore debates in 2000 was Al Gore, all sighs and eye-rolls, trapped in what must have felt like the middle-school playground fight from hell instead of a presidential debate. Everything about Mr. Gore's demeanor signaled that he felt he was giving a punk kid a much-needed scolding. Which missed the point: a lot of very smart people voted for Mr. Bush in 2000 because to them, he represented a return to honesty and morality. Dismissing him as a stupid child, and these voters as stupid-children-by-association, is no way to win them back."

Now, I take issue with a few of Lithwick's assertions:

(a) A lot of very smart people voted for Bush because he represented a return to honesty and morality? Those don't sound like very smart people to me. Maybe Dahlia meant a lot of very big chumps and chumpettes voted for Bush in 2000. Granted, this was before the whole blatant lying to take us into war thing, I'll admit that. However, one doesn't need to look too hard at the Bush 2000 campaign to find all sorts of intentional distortions of the truth. For example, anyone remember the "We can take trillions of dollars out of the social security system, not replace them, and still not have the system go bankrupt" privatization of social security plan? Perhaps Mr. Bush thought that was true, so maybe he was being honest about it -- if that's the case, I don't see how the idiot child label doesn't apply. Or how about when Bush pollsters phoned potential South Carolina voters during the primary against John McCain and asked them whether it would change their opinion of McCain if it were true that the the Senator had fathered an illegitimate child (false, by the way)? That's integrity, I guess.

(b) "Everything about Mr. Gore's demeanor signaled that he felt he was giving a punk kid a much-needed scolding." Is she claiming this isn't true? Wow.

(c) "Dismissing him as a stupid child, and these voters as stupid-children-by-association, is no way to win them back." Actually, I agree: it might not win them back. It sure as hell is true that they are stupid-children-by-association, though.

Crappy pizza is not a terrorist act--although it should be

2004-08-17T10:59:00.000-04:00

I can sleep well at night because I know that the Department of Homeland (or was that Fatherland) Security and their $28 billion budget will protect me from terrorists. People often view terrorism and the war on terror as some distant struggle that only effects people who are different than us--either they speak a different language or couldn't afford college on their own. However, recently the war on terror has come to Albany, NY.

About a week and a half ago the FBI raided a Mosque here in Albany, about a half mile from my crappy little apartment. It made international headlines.

After a year of surveillance and an intricately planned "sting" operation the FBI closed in on these "terrorists". While some (the FBI) will claim that this was a sting operation, many others (non-morons) would describe this as entrapment. Basically the FBI's agent (who had plead out of a mail-fraud charge) propositioned the defendants to assist him in laundering the profits from the sale of rocket which was purpoted to be used in a terrorist attack. Actually, the rocket and the referenced terrorist attack were fabricated by the FBI. There was never a plot, the defendants were not looking for jihad. They were looking for the loan of some cash from the FBI informant. After approaching the informant for a loan the defendants were roped into this "sting".

Now, these men did commit a crime. There is no denying that. But apparently this is the type of anti-terrorism action $28 billion will buy these days--the entrapment of an immigrant pizzeria owner.

Days after the raid it was reported that the name of one of the defendants appeared in a notebook found at an Iraqi insurgent base with the word "commander" scribbled next to it. Conservative apologists everywhere insisted that despite the flimsy case this "codename" was proof enough of terrorism. The notebook was seized in June 2003, the "sting" began in July 2003.

The punchline, however, just ran in the Albany Times-Union today. Seems that the word that was scribbled in the notebook wasn't commander after all, but "brother".

Luibrand, Hossain's lawyer, said any intelligence information gleaned from Pentagon reports may now be suspect.

"This whole investigation, the whole targeting of Aref and Hossain, was seemingly prompted by this document and it was wrong from the very beginning," Luibrand said.

Since this story is last weeks news this will never go national. The American people can still sleep well at night because we know--or we would like to believe--that the law enforcement is working tirelessly to stop terrorists before they[the terrorists] even know they are terrorists.

But at least the FBI has sent a message to terrorists everywhere:

He said the case should send an important message to terrorists.

"We want the bad guys to worry about us," he said. "We want them to wonder whether their accomplice is really one of us."

Meanwhile, I'm the only one who is worrying.

Really great idea opposed by really stupid people

2004-08-16T13:26:00.000-04:00

It appears that this November the good citizens of the state of Colorado will head to the polls to decide whether they want to live in the first state to dump our worst-in-the-civilized-world electoral system. Instead, the proposal will award proportional electoral votes.

However, this truly excellent idea is being opposed, as these things often are, by incredibly stupid people.

Observe:

"Katy Atkinson, a spokeswoman for the opposing Coloradans Against a Really Stupid Idea, promised to challenge the measure if it passes and it is applied in this year's presidential race.

"They are ripe for a court challenge on this," Atkinson said. "If this is a close race like the one four years ago, we could be thrown into a situation where we are the Florida of 2004. We'd be the laughing stock of the country. All those Florida jokes would be applied to Colorado."

Oh wow, we wouldn't want there to be any jokes now, would we? Let's forget the whole thing. Not having one's state become the subject of ridicule by those arbiters of intelligence and democracy over at those late night talk shows is far, far more important than achieving true democratic representation. Congratulations, Katy Atkinson, you've won the "Punch Me in the Face" award for today.

Of course, I'm open the criticism that I'm only supporting this initiative because current polls show Kerry trailing Bush in Colorado. Although that fact makes me even more enthusiastic regarding this plan, as everyone knows, I hate the electoral college system (although I do agree with its initial purpose of keeping Americans from voting directly because they're too stupid) -- and I applaud any and all efforts to undermine it. Good luck, Colorado.

Bush could be a two termer without winning an election?!

2004-08-06T10:57:00.000-04:00

The terror alert levels rising faster than the summer heat can only mean one thing--UPCOMING ELECTION!

As you all know this ass-backwards country we live uses that amazing system known as the electoral college. It's funny, while I hate the electoral college, I do understand and respect it's intentions. I think the founding fathers were correct in determining that the American people shouldn't be able to directly elect a President. Even they realized that we're a nation of slobering idiots.

Anyway, my point: The final 2000 electoral count was 278 (Bush) v. 260 (Gore). Now, let's examine one possible outcome this coming November. Let's say all of the states go the same way as they did in 2000 (yes that means Florida for Bush) except that 2 states--New Hampshire and W. Virginia--flip to blue. In recent polls (from end of July) Kerry was leading Bush by 3.5% in W. Virginia and almost 9% in New Hampshire. If those states do flip then the electoral vote is SPLIT EXACLTY 269-269. What happens then you say? Well then it goes to the US House of Representatives, gee who's got that majority again? Oh right, it's been the Republicans for almost a decade now.

The only thing that would be more awesome than Bush winning with a vote by the House would if the House were to flip to the the Democrats in November and a vote by a lame-duck congress gave us Bush for another 4 years.

If this scenario comes true (I did predict that the 2000 winner would win w/o the popular vote--although i said it'd by Gore) you can all punch me in the face.

An American Debate: How Severely Stupid are We?

2004-08-05T16:28:00.000-04:00

The NY times ran this:An American Debate: How Severe the Threat?

While the comments in this article fail to surprise they do anger me to no end. The blind faith that people will put in a man who has repeatedly lied the American public is astonishing. (the following quote is not Fed Chair Greenspan but some jackass attorney the Times found eating a hot dog in NYC)

"I think he has the greater good of the American people at heart," Mr. Greenspan said of President Bush. "The thought of a president using this for political gain is just disgusting, and I have a hard time believing that a man of his political stature would do that."

Denial works, apparently. I'm not sure what stature he is referring to? Is that the stature of a man who lost 2000 election? Or is that the stature of a business man who failed repeatedly in every venture he undertook? Or the one who blatantly lied as he led us into a no-win war, which he says we won a year ago.

I wonder if whatever paper was still allowed to print in 1939 Germany ever ran a story with a quote like "The thought of the furor using this for political gain is just disgusting, and I have a hard time believing that a man of his political stature would do that."

< quimby >This stupid country!< /quimby >

Pirating software is a lot like having sex.

2004-07-19T10:06:00.000-04:00

1- Everyone can do it, but no one is really sure they know how until they've done it at least once.
2- You often wonder "Why would I pay for it when I can get it for free?"
3- You have to know how to un-zip.

True American Power

2004-07-16T22:53:00.000-04:00

I think it's a little bit strange that we're still measuring power in terms of how fast how many hundreds of horses can make something go.

Repentant Lieberman enabler

2004-07-08T18:33:00.000-04:00

Ever since our nation's last exercise in filling out ballots I've been hearing a lot about how people who voted for Nader in 2000 are responsible for Bush, and how the last three and a half years have proved that there really is a difference between the two major parties. Voting for Nader may have enabled Bush to get close enough to sneak into the White House, but in good conscience I still cannot say I would rather have voted for a ticket with Lieberman on it. Here are two statements on the goal of American foreign policy. One comes from the vice president-elect, and the other from vice president-select and his good friends at the Hubris school of Vice Management.
1:
We seem to have forgotten the essential elements of the Reagan Administration's success: a military that is strong and ready to meet both present and future challenges; a foreign policy that boldly and purposefully promotes American principles abroad; and national leadership that accepts the United States' global responsibilities.
Of course, the United States must be prudent in how it exercises its power. But we cannot safely avoid the responsibilities of global leadership or the costs that are associated with its exercise. America has a vital role in maintaining peace and security in Europe, Asia, and the Middle East. If we shirk our responsibilities, we invite challenges to our fundamental interests. The history of the 20th century should have taught us that it is important to shape circumstances before crises emerge, and to meet threats before they become dire. The history of this century should have taught us to embrace the cause of American leadership.

1A:
As President Reagan once said: “What kind of people do we think we are? Free people, worthy of freedom and determined not only to remain so but to help others gain their freedom as well.”
In our time, that particularly means the hundreds and millions of men and women who live in Arab and Islamic countries, largely outside the realm of freedom which has otherwise expanded so magnificently during the decade and a half since the Berlin Wall was torn down.
American foreign policy has changed repeatedly over our 228 years of history to reflect changing realities. But remaining constant throughout has been our belief that we must protect and promote America’s unique ideals throughout the world. And more often than not, we have succeeded.

OK-- 1 is from the New American Century, a neocon think tank, which is an interesting read if you have the stomach for it. This particular passage was drafted in the late 90s, and provides an insight into the thinking of G.W's puppet masters-- God's country has a mandate to bring the poor non-American's to water, and if they won't drink it than we can still nuke the shit out of them. 1A is Lieberman's regurgitation about why it was a good idea to go into Iraq even though there weren't WMDs. What he should have said was:

We should have pride in our history, confidence in our principles, and take security in the knowledge that we are at the epicenter of a 228-year revolution in the transformation of political systems. But recognizing the power of our values also means understanding their meaning. Freedom and dignity spring from within the human heart. They are not imposed. And inside the human heart is where the impetus for political change must be generated. (Clark)

America is a melting pot of morons

2004-07-01T14:34:00.000-04:00

America is a very diverse nation. Yet, despite a vast range of cultures, ethnicities, and ways we take our coffee, the underlying truth is that we're a country founded by and popluated with morons. It's stunning that most people in this country can even dress themselves everyday. Although I'm sure there is a large number of us that CAN'T dress ourselves on a daily basis.

Two recent tidbits of mass media come to my (feeble) mind. One is the recent NY Times/CBS poll that shows while a majority of Americans disapprove of King George II, Kerry and Bush are still neck and neck.

Even funnier, and perhaps more accurate, The Onion recently "reported":American People Ruled Unfit To Govern

I am, of course, no exception to this. I am as much of an idiot as my neighbors. Although, not quite as much of an idiot as any neighbor who "voted" for Bush.

For example, I have now spent days attempting to determine what the proper course of action is take in Iraq, if one were to adhere to the Prime Directive (yeah, that's from Star Trek). But that's a prickly topic. Anyone who has watched even just a few dozen episodes will know that every Starfleet captain takes their own "liberties" with the prime directive. Clearly, Captain Picard would handle the Iraq quagmire different than Captain Kirk. So after hours of exhaustive research, endless debate and a journey of self-discovery I've compiled this small synopsis of what I think the Captains of the 5 different Star Trek television shows would do to deal with Iraq.

Name: Captain James Tiberius Kirk
Show: Star Trek
Kirk would punch Saddam in the face and "liberate" a bunch of hot Iraqi women of their virginity.

Name: Captain Jean-Luc Picard
Show: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Picard would hang out sipping a lot of hot earl grey tea on the bridge while he sent Data to go make peace with the militants.

Name: Captain Benjamin Sisko
Show: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Sisko, is the biggest X-factor. Presumably he'd ignore the interests of the Sunni, Shia and Kurds and demand that they protect the interests of the Bajorans.

Name: "Captain" Catherine Janeway
Show: Star Trek: Voyager
Janeway would, hopefully, spend a few hours making out with 7 of 9 in public just to piss off former Illinois Senatorial Candidate Jack Ryan. Then she'd screw up and get the American Army lost in some backward part of space, a lifetime from civilization, like Texas or somewhere.

Name: Captain Jonathan Archer
Show: Enterprise
Archer would just travel back in time to the early 90's and convince Bush Sr. to topple Saddam when he had the chance, or to put it another way, to put right what once went wrong.

Yes, I really did spend a lot of time on this. Although, at least I didn't add photos.

The French and Indian War? And in the last post I meant Golf, not Gold.

2004-06-18T04:19:00.000-04:00

"The French and Indian War was a nine-year conflict (1754-1763) in North America and was one of the conflict theatres of the Seven Years' War. The conflict was between Great Britain and its colonies on one side and France on the other. The war soon spread to Europe itself and Great Britain and France continue battling. Native Americans fought for both sides but primarily with the French. The major battles include French victories at Fort William Henry, Fort Ticonderoga and against the Braddock Expedition and British victories at Louisburg, Fort Niagara, Fort Duquesne and at the Plains of Abraham outside of Quebec City, in which James Wolfe defeated a French garrison led by Louis-Joseph de Montcalm.

The war resulted in the French loss of all French possessions in North America except for some Caribbean islands and Saint Pierre and Miquelon, two small islands off Newfoundland. The British acquired Canada while the Spanish gained Louisiana in compensation for its loss of Florida to the British. The result of the war is that Britain acquired a large Francophone population in Quebec and, near the beginning of the war in 1755, expelled French speaking populations in Acadia to Louisiana creating the Cajun population.

The war officially ended with the signing of the 1763 Treaty of Paris on February 10, 1763. The treaty saw France cede Canada to Great Britain, preferring to keep the territory of Guadaloupe for its rich sugar crops.

The decisive result of the war meant that it was the last of the French and Indian Wars and thereby set the stage for the American Revolutionary War. The British colonists no longer needed British protection from the French and resented the taxes imposed by Britain to pay for its military commitments as well as limitation on colonial settlements imposed by the British Royal Proclamation of 1763 in the newly acquired French territories in the Mississippi and Ohio River valleys." -From wikipedia.com

On a separate note, has anybody heard of the artist, Jim Dine?

Things are happening in the gold world.

2004-06-17T07:19:00.000-04:00

Also from the New York Times:Six players, including Davis Love III, ranked fourth in the world, drove the 100 miles to Southampton from last week's Buick Classic in Harrison, N.Y., arriving on Sunday night and Monday morning like an itinerant circus, setting up camp and calling it a neighborhood.

The NYS budget process at work

2004-06-16T10:02:00.000-04:00

from the NYTimes: "Mr. Silver said that Mr. Bruno's description was simply 'wrong,'' and Governor Pataki said it that it 'would be better' to include a school aid plan in the budget. Just where the misunderstanding stemmed from was unclear Tuesday night. But in a measure of the peculiar logic that seems to govern negotiations in Albany, all sides seemed to agree that the twists and turns of the day represented progress."

freebasing crack cocaine, can you spell that without any r's?

2004-06-14T05:54:00.000-04:00

Didn't think so, crackhead.

So there's a new Bad Religion record out there in the world? I personally think their best work was during their "Crazy Taxi" period.

I actually played that game recently and enjoyed it, but found it so very wrong on a myriad of levels. Was that word used incorrectly? You be the judge.

In the arcade game later ported to Dreamcast, another game system like the virtua boy, tg16, and jaguarphased out by the same people who killed JFK, you're a taxi driver who has to pick up and drop of people around a city filled with Pepsi, KFC, Fila stores, a church and a helicopter landing pad - your average town. It's a taxi simulation made fun because you have a time limit - and fun because you can simulate being a taxi driver, which is something most people want to do. For more on it and other words, type them into google (http://www.google.com).

Anyway, I think it's racist that the two black passenger characters in the game want to go to either the "Fila Store" - (what the fuck is a Fila store anyway? I know there's a niketown, but a "Fila Store"? Maybe I just haven't seen one, but that's like a field trip to the Shasta Factory) or KFC. I think it's wrong that there's so much product placement. And finally, "Aaaaallll right, we gone have some fun!" - what the black taxi driver says when you pick him is just more bad ethnic stereotyping.

I will say that the game is fun, though. Unfortunatley I think Liam stole my copy along with all my other Dreamcast games.

FYI

2004-06-10T01:40:00.000-04:00

If you want to see "The Chronicles of Riddick," you shouldn't be allowed to vote.

Hope this helps.

New BR record to make life worth living

2004-06-07T12:59:00.000-04:00

The new Bad Religion album will be released tomorrow. You can pre-order it here. If you have any kind of reputable taste in music whatsoever, you'll like it.

Also, when did music (or maybe, more accurately, mainstream music) become so terrible? I mean, pop music was never great, but it used to be a hell of a lot better than the utter rubbish currently insulting the FM band, didn't it?

California: Worst state in the union?

2004-05-26T15:32:00.000-04:00

Conventional wisdom dictates that Texas, of course, is far and away the worst state in the union. However, I'd like to submit to you that California is making one hell of a run at that title. Why? Well, first off, there is the issue of the election of Arnold, in spite of the fact that Terminator 3 was so fucking bad. And those clowns in California didn't just elect Arnold, even that I might be able to forgive. No, they went out of their way to elect him, and that is inexcusable.

Then there's this nonsense. Apparently, in addition to massive tuition increases, the University of California system is cutting back enrollment as part of its budgetary deal with Arnold, despite his pre-election promise that education cuts were off the table. The governor's claim is that these students denied admission this year will be "guaranteed" admission in two years after completing community college -- the article even hints at tuition waivers for those unlucky duckies. Well, I want to go on record now and say that none of that will happen. Those kids are screwed, plain and simple. Rather than get rid of the state's ridiculous cap on property taxes, California's voters and government have instead opted to transfer the pain onto students, and lower-class students in particular. Why not just run for office on a "Fuck the Kids" platform?

Oh sure, California apologists will swear up and down that Northern California is so wonderful, and it's just that dastardly Southern California that ruins it for the rest of them. Problem is Southern California's population is what, ten times greater than Northern California's? If Northern California wants my respect, it ought to secede from the rest of that broke-ass state.

Things weren't always like this, in fact, I used to really enjoy California. Oh how the tables have turned. Seriously, can someone give me a reason to like this state?

p.s. Sorry, weather doesn't count.

Hastert: McCain not quite evil enough

2004-05-20T11:05:00.000-04:00

Village Idiot Dennis Hastert lashed out at John McCain yesterday and questioned the Senator's commitment to King George II and the Republican Party in general. Apparently, McCain got the idea in his head that cutting taxes while fighting an ultra-expensive and ineffective war might not be the best way to run the country. Hastert responded:

Hastert: "If you want to see the sacrifice, John McCain ought to visit our young men and women at Walter Reed and Bethesda. There's the sacrifice in this country. We're trying to make sure they have the ability to fight this war, that they have the wherewithal to be able to do it. And, at the same time, we have to react to keep this country strong."

So, apparently Hastert wants the troops to have adequate funding to successfully carry on the war. And, of course, the best way to accomplish that is to enact another round of tax cuts for the ultra-wealthy. But wait, won't that strip the troops of essential funding? Why does Dennis Hastert hate America?

For his part, McCain responded with an equally delusional statement:

"I fondly remember a time when real Republicans stood for fiscal responsibility. Apparently those days are long gone for some in our party."

Really? Because I don't. Perhaps the good Senator is referring to when the all-star team of Reagan/Bush more than doubled the national debt back in those awesome 1980's. Oh, what fiscally responsible times!

embarassed on the internet

2004-05-20T10:01:00.000-04:00

Fundrace is fucking cool. In case you've been living under a rock, these guys have combined the FEC campaign finance data with some GIS mapping software so that you can search for contributors by neighborhood. So if you search for your address you can find out about your neighbors' political contributions.

Some people are upset about this site. They claim that they are afraid of "retribution" from their communities:

"It really bothered me," said Ms. Kramer, 36. "I live in a community that's overwhelmingly Republican; all the moms have Bush-Cheney bumper stickers on their minivans. I'm literally one of two Democrats on my entire street. So even if it's a very small possibility, I think there could be repercussions in some neighborhoods - petty vandalism, a slashed tire or graffiti."

A likely story indeed. Actually, she is just bitter that she backed a losing horse:

The site noted her $1,983 in contributions to Gen. Wesley K. Clark's presidential campaign and her home address.

Embarassed by Clark's poor showing in primaries Kramer would like to erase any and all history of wasting almost two grand on such a loser.

Kramer has a track record of backing losers. Hidden in the back of her closet is a betamax vcr, sega dreamcast and and $5,000 worth of RDRAM.

Melissa Kramer, a Democrat in Oakwood, Ohio, says that despite a poor choice in the primaries she's only backing winners from now on. She now plans on giving $4,000 to John Kerry. "Kerry's practically a lock," she added.

change is bad

2004-05-19T14:00:00.000-04:00

So we have this new design. I've fixed the counter so we can track all the times throughout the day that we read our own blog since no one else reads this crap.

We've got some new features too. Such as profiles of us ass-clowns and some archive links so you can catch up on all of our older posts.

The coolest new feature, however, is the terror alert status indicator over to the right. Now, when you read our page you'll know whether to just be scared as usual (yellow), really scared (orange), or start looting (red).

you are all chumps of the highest caliber

2004-05-19T12:11:00.000-04:00

Thanks to gmailswap.com I just made a cool $50 off some chumps. That's right I got $30 wired to my paypal account and a $20 Amazon gift certificate for trading my gmail invites. I've never seen people so eager to have their email read.

If we were to assume, as some have argued, that google is god, then I guess that makes me the pope, or at least some high-ranking extremely corrupt cardinal. Google, our lord (actually it's more like your lord), has ordained me with the authority to ration out these invites, or indulgences as I like to think of them. Now two people can "indulge" in not having to worry about email storage and their private lives will be judged by our lord (google) when our lord (google) reads their email.

Now my only problem is that I have to find a way to spend this money.

later chumps.

EDIT (Idiot Parade): Some of you may be chumpettes.

EDIT (Santos L. Halper): Blogger is now offering gmail accounts again. So now you are all Super-Chumps (and chumpettes).

At last, some harsh rhetoric

2004-05-18T14:38:00.000-04:00

Check out these quotes:

The arrogance, inconsistency, and unreliability of the administration’s diplomacy have undermined American alliances, alienated friends, and emboldened our adversaries.
...
the current administration has casually sent American armed forces on dozens of missions without clear goals, realizable objectives, favorable rules of engagement, or defined exit strategies.

Over the past seven years, a shrunken American military has been run ragged by a deployment tempo that has eroded its military readiness. Many units have seen their operational requirements increased four-fold, wearing out both people and equipment.
...
The rule of law, the very foundation for a free society, has been under assault, not only by criminals from the ground up, but also from the top down. An administration that lives by evasion, coverup, stonewalling, and duplicity has given us a totally discredited Department of Justice.
...
Sending our military on vague, aimless, and endless missions rapidly saps morale. Even the highest morale is eventually undermined by back-to-back deployments, poor pay, shortages of spare parts and equipment, inadequate training, and rapidly declining readiness.

Kerry's latest stump speech? Nope, it's the Republican National Platform from 2000.

Excommunication for all!

2004-05-15T14:50:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone. How are ya'll? I'm fine. No need to panic, our week long posting hiatus is finally over.

Probably my favorite thing about this election year thus far has been the re-emergence of a phenomenon that we've been without for far too long: excommunication. That's right, various Catholic bishops have called for John Kerry to be effectively excommunicated due to his pro-choice views. If I were John Kerry, I'd consider this excommunication thing to be a badge of honor. I'm contemplating signing up for this "Catholicism" business just so I can (hopefully) be immediately excommunicated myself.

Pissing off the Catholic authorities has never been easier or more fun. For instance, I wasn't planning on reading The Da Vinci Code, simply because everyone else was, and I hate doing things that other people are doing. However, as soon as I heard that the church doesn't want people to read the book -- because, apparently, more people believe the author of the novel than they do the child-molesting clergy -- I immediately bought myself a copy. Find yourself a devout Catholic and start spouting off some nonsense about how accurate The Da Vinci Code is and you're in for some hilarity, I guarantee it.

Atrios has written extensively about how the excommunication stick is only used against pro-choice Catholic Democrats and not pro-choice Catholic Republicans (there are two or three out there, apparently). And, of course, nobody makes a big deal about being pro-death penalty, although it is strictly against Vatican teachings. So much for the sanctity of life...

I'd like to see the excommunicable offenses greatly expanded. Not taking the bible literally? Excommunication. Point out the inconsistency associated with Jesus telling people to give away their wealth while the Catholic Church is one of the richest "non-profit" organizations in the world, will you? Excommunication. Eat meet on Friday? Excommunication. Women who wear skirts that show off those sinister ankles? Excommunication. Soon enough, everyone will be excommunicated, there will be no more Catholic Church, and I'll never have to hear some fucking idiot talk about how some Democrat is either too Catholic or not Catholic enough again.

Our Voltron-esque Foreign Policy

2004-05-08T11:23:00.000-04:00

When I was a kid, I loved Voltron. Looking back, it's pretty clear that every single Voltron episode follows the exact same formula:

1. The Voltron team first engages the giant robo-monster as the individual lions. Result: lions get their asses kicked.

2. Someone gets the bright idea to form Voltron, and they do, using the same animation they use every episode. Result: it's usually a more even fight, but Voltron still comes out on the losing end.

3. In a feat of tactical brilliance, someone remembers that Voltron can form the flaming sword. "Oh yeah, the flaming sword -- let's use that!" Result: Voltron forms the flaming sword (again, using the same animation as always) and then promptly cuts the robo-monster in half, thus saving the universe from imminent destruction.

Now, our foreign policy follows a somewhat analogous model, except that we sort of get things reversed:

1. Threat exists (or is manufactured), flaming sword formed, and robo-monster (country) is bombed into oblivion without any thought given to the "consequences" of such action.

2. "Mission Accomplished." Land on aircraft carrier and un-form Voltron. Begin Operation Ignore.

3. The individual lions start to lose control of the fight. Maybe there aren't enough lions, maybe they don't know why they're there in the first place, maybe they were never trained to be an occupying lion army, or maybe they're just angry because they only signed up for one weekend a month. Result: country plunges into chaos, robo-monster wins. (See Afghanistan, Iraq)

Q&A time

2004-05-07T20:59:00.000-04:00

Last Friday NY State Governor George E. Pataki announced a billion dollar emergency radio network to connect emergency workers throughout NY State. Two bids were put forth by coalitions. One team, led by Motorola, made a bid that came in at $3 Billion. The other group, lead by M/A-Com (pronounced MAY-com), a division of Tyco, bid $1 Billion. Not suprisingly the latter was chosen.

However, the M/A-Com bid was lobbied for by Pataki's former mentor and former Senator Al D'Amato. Even more interesting is that M/A-Com didn't hire D'Amato directly, he was hired by JHS Associates. JHS Associates is an engineering firm headed by John H. Sununu, White House Chief of Staff under President George H. W. Bush.

The range of bids ($2 Billion) is somewhat stunning. And many expect that M/A-Com's bid is so low because they plan on jacking up the actual price through a practice called "change orders" which forces the project to run overbudget and stick the state with the bill. FYI, M/A-Com has one current contract with the state. It's a $250,000 contract to provide wireless communications to the NYS Thruway Authority. As of mid-March the State Comptroller's office reports that M/A-Com had been paid almost $400,000 on that contract.

When asked about the $2 Billion disparity of the bids, Governor Pataki had this to say:

"I think people should look and see what New York does very well and this is to provide for emergency preparation and emergency response as well or better than any other state in America and it's something that has been and always will be a priority of mine."

That's a prefectly cromulent answer.

Farenheit 9/11 too hot for "non-partisan" Disney

2004-05-05T11:53:00.000-04:00

Alright, so Michael Moore is an ass-clown. While I generally enjoy his films as entertainment they are often riddled with incomplete facts, one sided tales and wild speculation. However, I do like the films as source of entertainment and I do believe that he thinks he's doing a service. Maybe he is, but I doubt it. Regardless, what Disney is doing--or trying to do--is horseshit.

This fall he is (or was) planning to release a new film this fall called Fahrenheit 9/11 wherein he will attempt to portray connections between the Bush family and the Bin Laden family (there are many) and how the Bush administration has taken advantage of 9/11 to server their own ends. Overall the film promises to be highly critical of the Bush administration and is (or was) to be released shortly before the November election.

However, the even greater ass-clowns over at Disney are now attempting to block the distribution of the film. The NY Times is reporting:

Mr. Moore's agent, Ari Emanuel, said Michael D. Eisner, Disney's chief executive, asked him last spring to pull out of the deal with Miramax. Mr. Emanuel said Mr. Eisner expressed particular concern that it would endanger tax breaks Disney receives for its theme park, hotels and other ventures in Florida, where Mr. Bush's brother, Jeb, is governor.

Disney denies that's the case. They say:

A senior Disney executive elaborated that the company had the right to quash Miramax's distribution of films if it deemed their distribution to be against the interests of the company. The executive said Mr. Moore's film is deemed to be against Disney's interests not because of the company's business dealings with the government but because Disney caters to families of all political stripes and believes Mr. Moore's film, which does not have a release date, could alienate many.

"It's not in the interest of any major corporation to be dragged into a highly charged partisan political battle," this executive said.

They don't want to be dragged into a partisan battle? Well, a quick search on opensecrets shows that Disney (the corporate entity, I didn't even begin to take a look at their employees) gave $47,500 to federal political campaigns. $1,500 (yeah, that's 3%) went to Democrats and the rest to Republicans.

Even funnier is that the Disney spokeswoman quoted in the NY Times article is Zenia Mucha. Yup, the very same Mucha who, for several years, served as the iron-fisted spokeswoman to New York State's Republican Governor and Bush fundraising Ranger.(that means he's raised more than $200,000. Actually it's much closer to $7mil)

even the moon hates US

2004-05-04T10:20:00.000-04:00

A lunar ecclipse is happening tonight.

The first of two total lunar eclipses this year can be seen from Australia, Asia, Africa, Europe and South America.

Bush has sqandered so much of our international goodwill that we're left standing out in the cold with the lamest of the continents--Antarctica--staring at a blank sky.

somewhere between one and a billion.

2004-05-04T09:46:00.000-04:00

It's beenreported that the new internet superworm, Sasser, is thought to have infected between 2,000 and 1m computers so far.

For the mathematically impaired: Yes they mean a range of 998,000

Don't worry, we're safe now

2004-05-03T18:46:00.000-04:00

Looks like that liberal media is up to it again, putting out fallacious stories that benefit George W. Bush -- those damn liberals!

This piece of awesomeness is from that damn liberal New York Times:

>>DELTA JUNCTION, Alaska — As early as this summer, rockets hidden in silos near this wind-swept town will give the nation its first operating defense against intercontinental ballistic missiles since the 1970's.

Great! Oh, wait. I just checked over at dictionary.com, and guess what operating means:

>> To perform a function; work:The motor operates smoothly.

Well, no worries, I'm sure the thing works, right? (Back to NYT article)

>> "It's totally useless," said Dr. Richard L. Garwin, a physicist who has advised the government on security for nearly 50 years and who, in 1998, was on a panel led by Donald H. Rumsfeld, now defense secretary, to assess ballistic missile threats.

Dr. Garwin said the president was "wasting money and he's impairing our security, because it will not work against ICBM's from anyone who has it in for the United States."

But, Dr. Garwin, will it work against ICBM's from anyone who doesn't have it in for the United States? I'd imagine so, since those bastards probably wouldn't fire ICBM's at us in the first place -- see, this system does work!

Well, it's probably just that damn liberal Dr. Garwin who doubts our new system of awesomeness...

>> "This is like deploying a military aircraft missing the wings, the tail and the landing gear," said Philip E. Coyle, a former chief of operational test and evaluation at the Pentagon, who is a senior adviser at the Center for Defense Information. "And without testing to see if that aircraft can do its mission without wings, a tail or landing gear."

Hmm.

But why would the administration rush to release, in 2004, a missle defense system that doesn't at all work? It just doesn't make any sense...

>> "I don't understand the rush to deploy by 2004," Dr. Wilkening said. "I simply don't see the threat."

I guess Dr. Wilkening doesn't get it either. But, luckily, Senator Levin (D-MI), along with all rational thinking people, has identified a reason to deploy now:

>> "It's a date which obviously was set politically so they could say before the election that they've deployed a system," Mr. Levin said. "I doubt that they'll say in that announcement that they'll deploy a system which may or may not work."

Ok, so what have we got here? The website version of this article is three pages long, and no less than one of those pages is devoted to explaining how this piece of shit system doesn't work. But, that damn liberal Times, says, without any mention of dissenting opinions, on the the frontpage of its website that the system is "operating" and even titles the article "Antimissle System Takes Shape." Right, so long as you know that "shape" implies "non-functioning shape." And no, it doesn't make it any better that the author, in the body of the article, finally mentions that, oh yeah, this thing doesn't work at all: nobody (but me) is going to read the damn article, it's all about the headlines, fool.

But wait, there's hope:

>> Another futuristic component, an immensely powerful laser mounted in the nose of a Boeing 747 that would fly near hostile countries and try to zap their missiles to oblivion shortly after launching, has been repeatedly delayed by technical problems. Despite the setbacks, General Kadish of the Missile Defense Agency said, the laser "represents such a revolutionary capability that we are going to stick to it."

General Kadish, don't worry about the 747, I'll fly around the planet and zap those missiles myself, using the immensely powerful laserbeams that I shoot out of my eyes. Sure, I don't actually shoot laserbeams out of my eyes, and I can't really fly, but stick with the idea, because it's pretty revolutionary, I feel.

Why does Texas hate America?

2004-05-03T18:13:00.000-04:00

With all the talk of revising the draft, I was highly amused to learn about these draft-dodging states. Given how tough those red-staters talk, you'd think they would be happy to register for the selective service, right? Wrong, of course.

>>The 4 least-compliant states were Louisiana (79%), Mississippi (80%), South Carolina (82%) and Texas (82%). All four states voted for Bush in 2000.

Why do those red states hate America?

The most telling statistic you'll ever see

2004-04-30T10:36:00.000-04:00

Here it is:

>> Perhaps most relevant politically, perceptions of what the experts are saying are also highly correlated with intentions to vote for the President in the upcoming election. Among those who perceived experts as saying that Iraq had WMD, 72% said they would vote for Bush and 23% said they would vote for Kerry, while among those who perceived experts as saying that Iraq did not have WMD, 23% said they would vote for Bush and 74% for Kerry.

This Guy is boned

2004-04-28T11:59:00.000-04:00

New York State Senator Guy J. Velella (R, 34-Bronx) has (or is just about to) plead guilty to bribery charges. He has been accused--and is about to admit to--steering government contracts in exchange for bribes received by himself and his father who are law partners. The NY Daily News is reporting that the younger Velella is looking to shield his old man from prosecution by fessing up. One of the most humorous parts of this drama is that Velella has spent over $400,000 on his legal defense from his campaign committee!

The NY Post reports that VELELLA'S FATHER OFFERS ONE HURL OF AN EXCUSE:

Vincent Velella - indicted on bribe-receiving charges along with his son, state Sen. Guy Velella - is demented and vomits uncontrollably, a psychologist testified in Manhattan yesterday.

Not only that, but he suffers from diabetes, colon and prostate cancer, heart disease, gout and an esophageal cyst that causes spontaneous, violent fits of coughing and vomiting, added his lawyer, in whose car Velella threw up recently.

His attorneys argue that for these reasons he is not fit to stand trial. They say that "If a man cannot assist his counsel at trial, he should not stand trial." Yet, the senior Velella remains a practicing attorney! So, he can't assist his in his legal counsel but can assist others?

The NY Times has editorialized on this several times:
The Velella Code

Mr. Velella, a Republican from the Bronx, has been charged with bribery in a complicated bridge-painting scheme involving his father.

The Velella Fund:

The state's Board of Elections ruled in 1989 that campaign funds could go for lawyers if the charges were "related to the political campaign or the holding of public office." In Albany, that's apparently a broad enough definition to cover even a bribery indictment.

FYI, the NYS Senate has 62 seats. 38 of those are held by Republicans and 24 by Democrats. Based on the state's demographics the Senate should be Democratic but because of extensive gerrymandering and an absudly powerful Republican political machine on Long Island the Republicans have maintained authority in that house. However, with the loss of Velella's seat and fundamental breakdowns of the party machine are providing the Dems with one of their best opportunities in years to take the senate.

Later on, Senator Velella annouced his next fundraiser will be held in two weeks where the minimum donation will be two cartons of smokes.

I like the cut of this guy's jib

2004-04-27T16:52:00.000-04:00

http://www.johnkerryisadouchebagbutimvotingforhimanyway.com

Couldn't have said it any better myself.

I take that back, this one was nice

2004-04-27T03:29:00.000-04:00

http://maddox.xmission.com/c.cgi?u=regressive

Why do the dudes always wear watches in porn? and other thoughts

2004-04-27T03:15:00.000-04:00

You know what annoys me? Online lists of things that annoy people. Why? Because that shit is played out. There certainly are some done right, like maddox's, but even he's starting to get a little weak. Let's hope he can come back in time to entertain me.

Just one more thing though: teams. I think the downfall of fashion, if there ever was a heyday, began with the proliferation of cheap t-shirts, notably those with athletic team branding. There is no sense in wearing an article of clothing with the logo of a sports team stitched, printed, or shat on. Because they all, the third obviously, look like shit. I like butter, sex, and computers, for example, but you will never see me with a butter hat, a sex t or some computer wind breaker or cheap tourist fleece.

The worst are those jackets and jeans sporting every team logo from a specific sport.

Just saw the new Jim Carey picture. Liked it.

That picture below looks like about 75, 80,000 people tops by the way.

Protests make King George II cry

2004-04-25T19:13:00.000-04:00

Don't believe any of the conservative news outlets that claim there were a "few" thousand people marching today. The protest easily hit the target of 750,000 and was probably closer to a million. The picture below doesn't even show the thousands of people under the trees and the thousands that simply couldn't fit onto the mall.

Welcome /. readers

2004-04-24T20:54:00.000-04:00

Microsoft > Life.

That is all.

sov·er·eign·ty n. pl.

2004-04-23T11:39:00.000-04:00

Supremacy of authority or rule as exercised by a sovereign or sovereign state.

Royal rank, authority, or power.

Complete independence and self-government.

A territory existing as an independent state.

NY Times:White House Says Iraq Sovereignty Could Be Limited

The Bush administration's plans for a new caretaker government in Iraq would place severe limits on its sovereignty, including only partial command over its armed forces and no authority to enact new laws, administration officials said Thursday.

So, why are they calling it sovereignty? Apparently, someone has already called them on this:

Mr. Grossman, however, referred in testimony on Wednesday to what he said would be "limited sovereignty," a phrase he did not repeat on Thursday, apparently because it raised eyebrows among those not expecting the administration to acknowledge that the sovereignty would be less than full-fledged.

Did it "raise eyebrows" because they were surprised about a less than complete transfer of power or because the Bushies were backpedaling once again? Neither should surprise you.

Now, if we could only get some "limited sovereignty" up in this joint.

Breaking News: Louisiana is full of morons

2004-04-23T10:46:00.000-04:00

Seriously.

Bitter controversy tears Princeton University apart

2004-04-22T14:35:00.000-04:00

Newman's day, a useful excuse for Princeton Unversity students to drink in class, apparently falls on a Saturday this year. Some people are concerned:

>> Since it falls on a Saturday this year, there was concern some students would also observe it Thursday, the week's last day of class for most students.

"The fear is that some will do it on both days. That's dangerous,"

Dangerous? I don't know, sounds pretty awesome to me.

Apparently, Paul Newman (and his lawyer) isn't very thrilled with his name being associated with this nonsense, and Princeton's administration claims it doesn't sponsor or encourage the event. However, some believe the administration has gone too far:

>> "They try to do more than just make rules — which is good — but the perception among the student body is that they're trying to mess with the frats and the eating clubs,"

Well, that's a problem -- somebody has to take a stand. If the administration won't explicitly mess with the frats and eating clubs, I will: You all suck.

NYC prepares for onslaught of idiots

2004-04-22T11:47:00.000-04:00

The NY Times is reporting that Mayor Bloomberg has chosen former Democratic NYC Mayor and turncoat (he's endorsing Bush) Ed Koch to head up a volunteer corps to assist republican national convention-goers navigate the scary liberal cityscape where gays and environmentalists lurk behind every corner. The complicated grid structure of the Manhattan streets might be a little too confusing for people who think Bush's tax cuts help our economy. The best line from the article:

the organizers plan to use a poster with a picture of Mr. Koch and a caption that says: "The Republicans are coming. Be nice."

Hopefully Koch will lead an army of angry New Yorkers who will give nothing but wrong directions and insults to anyone who hails from a red-state.

I'm voting for Bush

2004-04-21T17:17:00.000-04:00

Welcome to Player Ville. Population: Me.

1. Liam rubs himself on poles to stay hard.
2. I am full of inappropriateness and it will be shared with all.

I'm not really voting for Bush. Chris would be mad if I told him I didn't vote in the primaries. Or maybe that was another election. I'm not sure if California's had it's primary yet. I did sign a bounty of petitions in front of the grocery outlet the other day. Doing my part. Here's my latest political thing. Gas. I think gas prices should be tripled and put towards public transportation. Another political thing. This fool Idiot Parade works in DC. There are hell-of hot interns or whatever you call those fine-ass college grads who work for politicians. I love how they're all so fine.

Another thing, I'll go visit Idiot Parade in DC as soon as he can guarantee at least five, no, one minute of solid frenching with his hot, no, cute roommate. I don't know how he'll work that out, but I do know one thing: if you've used drugs to pay for sex in the past year, they won't let you donate blood. Not that I have, but it's true. I went to give blood and had to ask them about that one. Technically, paying for sex in drugs will not get you aids. I mean, it probably will. But anyway, I called them on that one at the Blood Bank which is probably why they wouldn't let me donate blood until august. That and being in Cambodia for a day. Seriously though, there's this fountain at in front of the Bank and I really want to sneak over there one night and dump a bunch of red food coloring in it, making it look like a fountain spewing donated blood. Or maybe the bad blood they couldn't take. Anyway, if they did that with real blood, nobody could say that wasn't hardcore as hell.

Pollution for all!

2004-04-20T10:35:00.000-04:00

Dear David Brooks,

Welcome to Stupidville. Population: You.

>> The first thing to be said is that air pollution trends are unchanged under President Bush. For the past three decades, the quality of our air has steadily improved. Air pollution from the six major pollutants has decreased by 48 percent over that time, even though our economy has grown by 164 percent. If you look at the charts showing that decline, you can't tell when the Clinton era ended and the Bush era began.

So, Brooks looks at the past three decades and concludes that the previous three years haven't shown a complete reversal of all that progress. Wow, things are looking great! See, David, what all those crazy environmentalists and the like are concerned with is the air quality (and toxic substance control) in our long run future, and that is where Bush's policies are ruinous. Come on, give Mr. Bush a chance: destroying the environment and three decades worth of clean air initiatives takes a little time.

An Open Letter to Mr. John Karczynski

2004-04-18T14:31:00.000-04:00

Dear Mr. John Karczynski,

I recently read that a large percentage of your Log Cabin Republicans club are having serious reservations regarding voting for President Bush this coming November. You say:

>> "I'm still voting for Bush ... but I have serious issues with the current team the president has put around him to cultivate the religious-right support," he said.

Mr. Karczynski, apparently you and I have a lot in common. See, I too have serious problems with this administration's pandering to the religious right. So, allow me to share with you how I plan to deal with some of these issues: I'm not fucking going to vote for Bush. Please consider following my example. I hope you're a reasonable person -- and as a reasonable person I hope that you can eventually come to realize that this "fiscally conservative but socially liberal" bullshit is utterly meaningless if you allow your vote to be completely decided solely by the former. Also, please note that if you're at all concerned with fiscal discipline, then your electoral choice ought to be pretty clear: vote for a Democrat. You get the best of both worlds, fiscal sanity and socially progressive policies. Sounds pretty awesome, right?

I and my fellow Democrats, or "Demoncrats" as you might have heard us referred to as, welcome your vote in November. If you have any additional questions or concerns, or you would like to thank me for my stellar advice, please feel free to contact me anytime.

Sincerely,
Idiot Parade

I am a loser, twice over

2004-04-17T19:52:00.000-04:00

So, a friend of mine convinced me to take the test for okcupid.com. It's a lame dating/social network site run by thespark.com (those test guys).

So, first off, I'm a loser for taking the fucking test. But after 20 minutes of assinine questions that are supposed to generate a "profile" about me they re-affirm that I am without a doubt a loser and shouldn't use their site.

From their (surprisingly accurate) profile of me:

But we'd like you to consider not using OkCupid.

I don't need to be told twice.

100!

2004-04-16T09:42:00.000-04:00

We got 100 visitors. Of which, I am sure I am 99 of them.

Good news everybody! We're maybe not canceled anymore!

2004-04-15T08:23:00.000-04:00

wired (so I probably shouldn't believe it) is reporting that there may be new episodes of Futurama produced in the near future. Apparently the television signal of the series has reached Omicrom Persei 8 and Lur has demanded new episodes.

Last year, Futurama and Family Guy reruns did so well that it's likely both shows (which Fox killed in prime time) will produce new episodes.

Also, go buy the DVD's now. It's the only form of voting that counts.

I will destroy you!

Puritan Work Ethic

2004-04-15T00:42:00.000-04:00

The world's oldest worker is apparently retiring. Way to go guy, just add another lazy clown to that damn liberal welfare state. Everybody is looking for a handout these days.

>> "...(L)ast year when I had classes in his building, I would walk by and see him in his office," said sophomore Kinsey Rice. "He would be in there, hunched over at the desk, working. It was kind of like motivation."

Wow, that was kind of like, profound, you know? Luckily Mr. Crist will soon be replaced with a new generation of super-workers like this Kinsey Rice fellow. God help us all.

Mission not Accomplished!

2004-04-12T18:01:00.000-04:00

The Washington Post reports:

Asked whether the violence would ebb soon, he replied: "It's hard to tell. I just know this: that we're plenty tough and we'll remain tough."

No shit. Funny, cause it didn't seem all that "hard to tell" last year when he faked landing a plane on the U.S.S. Lincoln.
"We're plenty lying"

LAX descends into Bruce Willis Movie mayhem.

2004-04-12T14:18:00.000-04:00

A black out at Los Angeles International Airport has disrupted air travel into and out of La La land.

A total power outage in the control tower at Los Angeles International Airport disrupted air travel Monday, a Federal Aviation Administration spokesman said.
All radar, radios and telephones — essentially everything that controllers use to communicate with aircraft and other control facilities — was hit by the blackout at 9:40 a.m, FAA spokesman Donn Walker said. Even the lights went out.

Airport officials insisted that everything was under control and that Officer John McClane is on the scene:

Yippie-kay-yay, motherfucker.

Maybe I should stop posting about Bruce Willis movies or just kill myself.

Practically usesless

2004-04-12T10:21:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine saw this book at the train station. I'm not sure what practical advice it can have in regards to avoiding anthrax. For the price of this book you can "practically" get 240 yards of duct tape from HomeDepot.com.

Yeah, it was published by Harvard, they're accredited aren't they?

Another reason why DRM pisses me off.

2004-04-11T21:39:00.000-04:00

I have a disorder which forces me to enjoy Bruce Willis movies. On my all-time favorites list are Armageddon, Die Hard and The Fifth Element, all of which I own on DVD. This evening, after seeing a day full of TBS commercials for their screening of The Fifth Element I decided I wanted to subject myself to yet another screening of it. However, wanting to see Milla Jovovich naked and not be abused by 30 minutes of advertising I pulled out the good old DVD.

I wanted to watch it in bed, so I popped it into my computers DVD drive and fired up PowerDVD, of which I surprisingly own a legitimate copy. However, for some reason either the PowerDVD or my nVidia drivers or something entirely different viewed my dual-head display as a TV-out and then proclaimed that my license did not allow me to play the dvd with TV-out enabled! This is enfuriating for several reasons:

1- I was not using tv-out.
2- I purchased this DVD legally, of which its primary purpose is to be screened on a TELEVISION!
3- I had previously watched 10 minutes of it in my living room on my TV playing the disc on my other computer WHICH USES TV-OUT!
4- All of my non-dvd collection (read:pirate) plays fine on my bedroom "tv-out."
5- I'd happily de-activate my tv-out in the bedroom, IF I WAS USING IT! How can I de-activate something that was never activated to begin with?!?!?!

Granted, this may just be some random software glitch. However, it does not change the fact that I have been denied access to content which I paid for because they're scared I'm going to transfer my Bruce Willis collection to VHS or some other horseshit.

Moral of the story: I should have just downloaded the divx.

EDIT (Idiot Parade): One of the primary reasons that I love DRM is that it prevents others from viewing Bruce Willis movies, thus contributing to my "Stop Awfulness Now" crusade.

Man: 1, Casino: 123,442,412,667,348,910,389,452,412,765,982,...

2004-04-11T20:34:00.000-04:00

Cheers to this bloke for taking the casino to the cleaners. However, this was still an unconscionable act of stupidity: that money should have been spent on one hand of blackjack.

It wasn't in my Day RunnerTM, I swear!

2004-04-11T16:33:00.000-04:00

my new favorite source (VOA) for ridiculous comments is reporting that President said the following in response to the allegations that he had been warned of the 9-11 attacks in the now infamous August 6, 2001 memo:

"There was not a time and place of an attack," he said. "It said Osama bin-Laden had designs on America. Well, I knew that."

Perhaps the title of the memo should have been more clear. Bin Laden Determined to Strike Inside the United States might not have been clear enough for some people, especially those who can't eat a pretzel or ride scooter. Maybe Bin Laden should have emailed the President with time and place of that attack, or better yet just have had his brother tell (last paragraph) W's dad.

Now, I am not suggesting that the President, just because he may or may not have read a memo, could have prevented the 9-11 attacks. However, for the Bush administration to have so staunchly denied any such warnings in the face of documented proof is grounds for impeachment in my book.

733t U.S. General dismisses n00b Iraqi force, w00t!

2004-04-09T23:48:00.000-04:00

	*vs.*
US Army Brig. Gen. Mark Kimmitt dismissed the Shiite Militia as "n00bish camp-whores".		Shiite cleric Moktada al-Sadr demanded that he wasn't a n00b and accused Kimmitt's forces of using wall-hacks and aim-bots
VOA News is reporting: One year after the fall of Saddam Hussein, U.S. forces in Iraq spent Friday battling, not against Iraqi troops, but against Shiite and Sunni militias challenging the U.S.-led occupation. I wonder if they are not Iraqi or if they are not troops? Cause they seem to be from Iraq and they seem to be fairly well organized. Well organized enough to lure some corporate mercenaries into a deadly ambush: "The truth is, we got led into this ambush," Mr. Toohey, vice president for government relations at Blackwater, said in an interview, offering the company's first detailed account of the attack. Meanwhile, more non-troops are pouring into several holy cities which are yet to have had their order “restored.” U.S. operations to restore order to the holy cities of Najaf and Karbala have been put on hold in order not to interfere with the influx of Shiites expected to flock to those cities in the coming days to take part in the observance of Arbaeen, which commemorates the martyrdom of a Shiite religious leader. The military, and more accurately the Bush Administration, loathes referring to Iraqi resistance as troops because it undermines the entire image they are attempting to portray of a war against terrorism. These forces have openly met coalition forces and have intercepted military convoys. It is quite an insightful irony that America’s Army, the military’s computer game recruitment tool does not allow you to play as a terrorist: One of the oddest aspects of America's Army is that, while the core gameplay pits the US Army's forces against terrorists, you can play only as the "good guys." You cannot actually play as a terrorist, yet to you, the opposing team will always appear as terrorists. June 30 is starting to look awfully far off.

The enemy of our enemy is our enemy too?

2004-04-09T11:24:00.000-04:00

The NY Times is reporting that the growing uprising against the occupation is forging a new and previously unheard of level of cooperation between the two groups [Sunni and Shia] — and the common cause is killing Americans. It is nice to see that we have succeeded in uniting these peoples who have been at odds for so long. This success must be the reason why the U.S. has halted operations in Fallujah. The danger is we believe there is a linkage that may be occurring at the very lowest levels between the Sunni and the Shia said Lt. General Ricardo Sanchez, commander of the occupation forces. Yes, the danger is that Iraqis who hated each other are now friends because they hate Americans more. Awesome!
		Nimaa Fakir, an Iraqi Sunni, befriends Ahmed Jumar, a Shiite, after they bonded during a raid on an American convoy. Later that day they spray-painted "wolverines" on the side of an overturned US truck.

< sarcasm>I'm sure the free-market will fix this< /sarcasm>

2004-04-08T19:43:00.000-04:00

wtf?:

All five of the major music companies are discussing ways to boost the price of single-song downloads on hot releases - to anywhere from $1.25 to as much as $2.49.

Didn't they just settle a price-fixing lawsuit?

I wish the Dems would air this ad

2004-04-07T13:05:00.000-04:00

Someone forwarded me a link to this ad. I hate forwards and I usually just ignore them and yell at the sender. In this case I will make an exception. This is hilarious.

Advice for an American General

2004-04-07T12:04:00.000-04:00

This story about how surgeons who play video games make better surgeons got me thinking that video games could improve other professions. Immediately I thought that it could be applied to the war in Iraq. So in order to apply my prowess as a great video gamer and perform a patriotic duty by helping the American army "introduce democracy" to the Iraqi people I have written this letter:

Brigadier-General Mark Kimmitt
Operation Vigilant Response
Somewhere in Iraq (probably de_dust or de_dust2)

Dear General Kimmitt,

In light of the recent surge of violence against coalition forces in Iraq I felt that it was my duty as an American to understand the nature of this violence and see if I could provide you with some insights that you may have overlooked. To this end I have spent many hours painstakingly researching the problem and here are my suggestions:

1) Tell your soldiers that when they are running to do so with only a knife or pistol in their hands. You will find that your troops will get places faster if they aren't carrying their bulky rifles as they run.

2) Your troops should burst fire to increase accuracy, rather than clumsily spaying rounds at the enemy.

3) Take cover behind obstacles. Crates, boxes, trains, all provide cover for your troops.

4) If need be, camp your spawn. I know, it is a little cheesy and you may get flamed as a n00b, but this is about freeing the Iraqi people, I think you can handle the criticism.

5) Make use of the shield glitch. The latest patch has introduced a bug whereby your soldiers can have a shield protect them, yet fire through it, making your soldiers practially invincible. However, you should make use of this as soon as possible, because it may be addressed in the next patch.

6) If the teams are really stacked, and your team keeps getting pwned then complain and ask for one of the better T's to switch sides. No one likes one-sided matches.

7) Finally, if worst comes to worst, just arm your team with aimbots and/or wall-hacks. There is no tradition that is more universal to all cultures than the tradition of cheating.

These are some tips that I researched while playing Counter-Strike v.1.6 some of these tips may not apply if you're using an earlier patch. With this advice I have no doubt that you will be successful in showing the Iraqis how democracy can work for them.

Sincerely,

Santos L. Halper
http://www.slantdrilling.blogspot.com

Hey you, Mr. FCC

2004-04-02T11:03:00.000-05:00

The 9th Circuit delivered a swift kick to the FCC's ass with this ruling. One of the primary reasons we're beginning to lag behind certain regions in Asia and Western Europe in terms of true broadband deployment is that the FCC has made an unbelievable mess of the regulatory framework. I'm not making a deregulation argument, but this country certainly needs and deserves a far more cohesive and transparent broadband policy. Hell, I'll even settle for one that makes just a little bit of sense.

The Return of Paul Krugman

2004-04-02T10:53:00.000-05:00

After a few months of what I'd call mediocre columns -- mediocre for Krugman, anyway -- Krugman gives 'em hell today. Read on to find out why we have the worst media on earth.

I believe in democracy!

2004-04-01T17:43:00.000-05:00

Happy April Fools Day!

Innovation

2004-03-31T16:51:00.000-05:00

CNET explains:

"The recent World War II shooters often come off as lackluster imitations of the immensely popular series Medal of Honor and Battlefield 1942. Fortunately, Call of Duty brings some new life to the genre, offering British and Russian, as well as American, perspectives. "
Hmm, where to start? No. If COD does, in fact, bring something new to WWII shooters -- and it doesn't -- it certainly isn't the fact that your polygon men can be one of three meaningless nationalities. To whoever is going to argue "But they all get different guns&!@*(*$(@$(@(!@@@@@$!**$@*!*," please refrain from doing so: reasonable people can agree that it's all the same shit.

Actually, I retract my previous statement. COD has improved aimbot technology to new, incredible levels. Now, we here at The Slant Drilling Company love cheating as much as the next guy -- well, in fact, much more than the next guy -- but even we acknowledge these aimbots are a bit ridiculous. Incidentally, if anyone has one of these punk-as-fuck aimbots, please forward it along to us.

First point about video games: awesome.

Then let them drink beer...

2004-03-31T11:00:00.000-05:00

Now, I'm the biggest fan of tax increases in the world, but even I couldn't pass up this offer.

Edit (santos):

Edward Lucas offered the beer to an 18-year-old student at Ludlow High School in exchange for a no vote on a proposed increase in school property taxes....

At least he's trying to engage young people in the political process.

To be fair...

2004-03-29T17:27:00.000-05:00

To be fair, whenever a statement begins with the aforementioned phrase, I don't listen to the rest of it.

WTO tells U.S. to double down

2004-03-26T15:09:00.000-05:00

The World Trade Organization has said that the United States is violating international trade law by prohibiting online gambling. Personally, I think it's a human rights violation, but I'll take it any way I can get it. Read the story here.

I think online gambling gives a whole new definition to Gamblers Anonymous.

On of my best friends (who I knew for only 3 months) was black

2004-03-25T09:32:00.000-05:00

Joe Bruno, Republican NY State Senate Majority Leader, defended claims that he is not a racist because 50 years ago he had a black friend for 3 months.

While stationed in Korea in the Army, Bruno said his "best buddy" was Horace Jackson, a black man. He said he lived with Jackson for three months in a pup tent on top of a "godforsaken mountain" near the demilitarized zone

Invite me to Orkut

2004-03-24T20:01:00.000-05:00

I know this is lame, but I really want to join Orkut. Orkut is google's answer to friendster. The main difference, of course, is that you can't just join Orkut, you have to be invited by a current member. They invited 12,000 or so people initially, and it grows from there.

So, I'd appreciate if some kind individual invited me. You can email me at blog(idontwantspam)putch at hotmail.

I deserve to be insulted for this.

EDIT (Idiot Parade): I mean...my god, man.

EDIT (santos): I got an invite!

Demoncrats for Bush!

2004-03-24T16:31:00.002-05:00

I'll be so sad to see Zell Miller retire at the end of this term.

What a fucking moron.

Ari Fleischer, still a tool, tells Americans to shut the fuck up

2004-03-24T16:20:00.000-05:00

Paul Krugman, Princeton economist and columnist at the NY Times, writing about the astounding lack of openness in the Bush Administration, referenced a quote from former White House press secretary and current tool Ari Fleischer. Specifically, he said that Americans "need to watch what they say, watch what they do."

Today, Fleischer attempted to rebut Krugman's assertions and clarify the intent of his comment. He argues that his statements "urged tolerance and openness and were addressed to those who made statements and threatened actions against Muslims or Sikhs in America." Somehow his response to a question regarding a statement made by Bill Maher--also a tool--was actually a response to a question about a racist Republican Congressman from Lousiana (is that redunant?) who wanted to kick "towel-wearing Sikh-Americans" out of his state.

Duh.

An Accredited Institution

2004-03-24T11:48:00.000-05:00

from that bastion of liberal zionist propaganda comes a story about my favorite TV show, The O.C., here's my an excerpt:

And in the strangest tribute yet, a law students' club at the University of California, Berkeley, has formalized its devotion to Sandy Cohen — the feisty public defender played on the show by Peter Gallagher — by establishing the Sandy Cohen Fellowship to support work in the Orange County public defender's office.

Yes, they are referencing the same UC Berkeley School of Law that U.S. News ranks in the top 10 law schools, just in case you were confused.